July Clue #1

First clue: This month's movie is one of our favorite Cannon films.

Tape Freaks Presents: July Mystery Movie! Theatres at Mall of America, Thursday, July 16th at 7:30pm, only $5!

Eco-horror Movies Worth Mentioning

Eco-horror is one of our favorite sub-genres and we have too many favorites to write them all up properly, so here are a few more "classics" for you to watch at your own risk.

Day of the Animals (1977, starring Leslie Nielsen): A group of hikers find out the hard way that ozone depletion has caused animals above 5000 ft to go crazy. The bright side: it doesn't seem to affect human animals!

Prophecy (1979, directed by John Frankenheimer): Logging industry pollutants have caused mutations in the forest, including the creation of a giant skinless bear.

Frogs (1972, starring Ray Milland, Sam Elliot): Jason Crockett (Milland) hates nature and poisons any creatures that find themselves on his island. But for his birthday this year, nature has decided to fight back.

Night of the Lepus (1972, staring Janet Leigh, Rory Calhoun): A zoologist injects rabbits with mutated blood and hormones in order to disrupt their reproduction. Unfortunately all this does is create giant and bloodthirsty rabbits!

The Happening (2008, starring Mark Wahlberg): Humans are polluting the earth. Trees fight back and Mark Wahlberg has to outrun the wind. (Also his movie will teach you everything you need to know about hotdogs.)

Piranha 3D

Tim's brother lectured me for about an hour for liking Piranha 3D mainly insisting it was a misogynistic movie. After making him watch it (for the first time mind you) he ate every last word. Not only is Piranha 3D a good horror movie, it's a great illustration on how to handle female characters in a horror movie.

The plot unfolds something like this: Sheriff Forester is prepping for the impending spring break invasion of her otherwise sleepy lake town. Her son is hoping to spend the day with a Wild Wild Girl, the spring breakers are hoping to for an insane week-long party, and some scientists are hoping to investigate a freshwater lake that has been opened up after a small earthquake. No one however is hoping for an all out piranha feeding frenzy, and that's all they're getting.

Eco-horror twist: [This is spoilerish, so skip if you wish.] These piranha are released from a deep water cavern that had been sealed off since prehistoric times. Doc Brown -er that is Mr. Carl Goodman, gives us a pretty great line of reasoning for this, while being Christopher Lloyd and amazing.

Feminist elements: The Wild Wild Girls are more than just boob fodder, their characters have backstories, emotional and intellectual range, and are fully aware of what kind of the objectification they're participating in. There's never dialogue about the Wild Wild Girls being emotionally damaged in some way, or that they've been misled about what they're getting into, they're simply using their objectification for their own gain. The Sheriff in town has a MASSIVLY HUGE Deputy, but his mass is never used to suggest that he got the job because he balanced her stature. They work together on screen beautifully, each showing the audience why they choose to work together every day. (And the deputy isn't a just muscle either, he's capable throughout the movie and contributes to the problem solving as much as a deputy would be expected to.) Sheriff Forester isn't just the sheriff either, she's also a single mom of three. Do you know what is never brought up in the film? How she juggles being the sheriff and raising three kids. Not only is dad's absence not noted one single time, there is never any indication that she's in over her head. It's beautiful. The background fodder is loaded with bikini clad chicks, but there's also a fair amount of male swimsuit action (as apposed to fully clothed men and almost nude women). And the mass panic in the third act is actually mass, rather than being relegated to the ladies. And lastly [another mild spoiler here, jump to the next paragraph if you prefer] the sheriff is never saved by any of the men. She is set up as fully capable and saves the day with the aid of the people around her, rather than relying on them to save her from a jam.

Reasons to watch: Strong female characters, more fun than most modern horror while remaining pretty gory, epic cameos, Jerry O’Connell as a sleazy douche bag, it's directed by Alexandre Aja, tremendous effects by Greg Nicotero's crew, and lastly, tons of satisfying piranha kills!

What we learned: You can make “low-brow” horror while treating characters as real people rather than diving headlong into Troma territory.

The Being

It's a wonder Jackie Kong hasn’t made more movies. The Being was our introduction to her small cannon, and though it's not as off the wall as Blood Diner, it's still pretty fun all the way through.

The plot unfolds something like this: A blood lust has been awakened in a being of unknown origin, and it's wreaking havoc on a sleepy Idaho town. This all might have something to do with the power plant openly dumping radiation into the water supply. Then again, Martin Landau insists that those radiation levels are so low it's totally safe to drink. (And he will aggressively insist this stance for anyone with a TV camera.) Never the less, a being has gone on a killing rampage and Martin Landau and the local sheriff have teamed up to put a stop to it before the whole town ends up dead.

The narrators: There are some strange narration choices in this flick. First we're introduced to some classic local-radio-announcer-will-talk-us-through-this-movie narration, almost immediately followed by some local-sheriff’s-inner-monologue-will-talk-us-through-this-movie narration. They both pop up intermittently in the first half of the film, only to be almost abandon during the second half and adds a layer of unintentional fun to the whole thing.

Yup, that's: Martin Landau

That scene reminds us of something: When Martin Landau's character goes on the local news to illustrate how safe radiation is to drink, we were reminded of this interview with a Monsanto Lobbyist who explicitly says their chemicals are safe enough to drink but ends up backpedaling right out of the interview when offered a glass of said chemicals to drink himself. It's quite a thing of beauty.



Epic stunt where someone likely almost died: While the local sheriff is running away from the creature, he finds himself in the perfect position to ditch the creature by jumping the tracks in front of a moving train. We watched that stunt a good 5 times and we can not see how it could have been a camera trick or a composite, it's just a dude, on foot, jumping the tracks in front of a fairly fast moving train. It's grand no one died, but for real, someone could have easily died.

What we learned: Never trust Martin Landau, no matter how much water he drinks.

The Crawlers

This movie is basically the scene from Evil Dead where the tree gets possessed, expanded upon with the same Italian gusto as Troll 2, but without trees sexually assaulting anyone!

The plot unfolds something like this: Josie is returning to her sleepy country hometown after a stint of living in the city. She returns to find her high school flame still carries a torch for her and the whole town is waiting for them to get back together. The town also seems to be experiencing a series of strange deaths that no one but the young will-they-won't-they couple notices. No one that is except one of the nuclear power plant's technicians, but by the time he gets all the pieces put together, it will likely be too late.

Totally a high schooler, not a 35 year old: We've run into many movies that feature adults playing characters that are supposed to be high schoolers. Grown men shave their sideburns above the tops of their ears (creepy), grown women smack gum and roll their eyes, and they all hop, jump, and skip every where they go because they're not adults, they're teenagers. Sometimes this works, or is necessary even, but mostly it's PAINFUL to watch. This movie's "teenagers" fall under the painful-to-watch category. Though no one comes right out and says how old the young couple is, they imply fairly heavily that they are quite young. The sheriff won't listen to them because he “remembers them from high school”, the couple talks about high school in every other scene, they even mention that Josie skipped town when she was only 16 indicating that she's now maybe 20. The lengths they go to convince us they're young makes us believe the actors are probably in their thirties.

Reasons to watch: A sheriff that refuses to listen to anyone. Exponentially better and better tree kill scenes. Effects and acting that will leave you with that “if they can do it, why can't we” feeling. Plot holes filled by “eureka” moments that come so far out of left field they seem like ideas fed to the actors by PAs off screen who are reading ahead in the script. And obviously, trees killing people!

Great, or unintentional: There are several scenes that leave us wondering if actors are trying to get the audience to pick up on some kind of subtext, or if it just seemed that way because they were actually just very awkward.

A double feature that may or may not be amazing: The Crawlers and Squirm.

Deadly Eyes

The Trylon microcinema and Moon Palace Books have an amazing book-and-movie club called “That movie was a book?”. As the name suggests, they read a book and watch a movie that uses the book as source material. Deadly Eyes could be a movie they tackle some day, as it's roughly based on the James Herbert horror novel The Rats. Yes, this giant killer rat movie is based on a giant killer rat book.

The plot unfolds something like this: A city health inspector has discovered a grain storage facility's rat infestation. She orders the effected, steroid boosted, corn to be burned to ensure it won't be consumed by humans. This sensible act has the unanticipated side effect of leaving a population of dachshund sized rats in search of a food supply abundant enough to meet their insatiable hunger. But where will these massive scavengers find their next source for food?

Reasons to watch: A male teacher thwarting a much younger student's advances to pursue a woman his own age! Canadians in the 80s biking in the snow like it's no big deal. Enter the Dragon clips. Fighting off rats with a blowtorch. Did I mention dachshunds dressed up as rats?...

Dachshunds dressed like rats: The special effects crew made a pretty interesting choice when it came to the rat effects. They made individually fitted rat costumes for a small army of dachshunds (and a few terriers) who were only able to work in 5 min bursts over period of 2 hours a day. Whether that worked out to be easier than building mechanical rats we couldn't say for sure, but the effect is spectacularly creepy. There's not an everyday reason to notice how much a dachshund moves like a huge rat, but you can't really forget once know.


“That guy!” moment with: Scatman Crothers!

The director: This is the only horror movie that Robert Clouse directed (and the only horror movie Golden Harvest produced), mostly he directed amazing and amazingly bad action films: Gymkata,  Force: Five, Golden Needles, Black Belt Jones, and Enter the Dragon (again for Holden Harvest, explaining why clips from this movie are featured in Deadly Eyes).

What we learned: Sweaty dachshund wrangler is now on our list of jobs we don't want.

June Clue #3

Clue three: The star of this month's movie is the mother of the star of the blockbuster it rips off.

Tape Freaks Presents: Mystery Movie! Theatres at Mall of America, Thursday, June 18th at 7:30pm, only $5!

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Squirm

MST3K has a special place in both our hearts, it's kind of hard to believe we've never mentioned them here. But, when discussing movies to write up for the eco-horror theme Squirm came up and I just can't imagine watching this movie without the MST3K guys riffing over top of it.

The episode: This is a "Syfy" channel episode so it features Mike and new Crow, with some Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy stuff throughout the episode (we always skim past those parts, we just don't have the love for those villains like we do Dr. Forester and TV's Frank). This episode also features our favorite short, Spring Fever. 

Spring Fever: This black & white short opens on a doughy man fixing a couch. We hear his wife on the phone telling his friends that he won't be coming out to play” because he needs to finish his chores. This is when he wishes he'd never see another spring as long as he lives, evoking the spring sprite Coily who promptly grants his wish. Two mins of life without springs is all doughboy needs to be convinced he was terribly wrong, and Coily agrees to set things right once again. This should be the end, but the sort continues for a good 5 mins more with doughboy boring his friends to near death with stories about how springs make the world go round as they play golf, drive home, and stand in a driveway talking about golf scores. There isn't a flat joke from the MST3K crew in the whole bit, and it's well worth worth tracking down this episode if for nothing else.

The plot of Squirm unfolds something like this: The sleepy low-country town of wherever is about to understand the amazing power of electricity. A downed power line near the local worm farm sends electricity deep into the soil, causing the worms on the farm to mutate. The town's teens are on the case, but the local sheriff won't listen to a word they say. Will they get through to him before the whole town is composted by worms?

Yes, the worms are eating people: The monsters in this movie are giant earthworms played by centipedes with slimy cables stunt worms. They have teeth and a veracious appetite for human flesh!

Reasons to watch: The ultimate illustration of "local sheriff ignores local teens" trope. Each accent that comes out of an actor's mouth is more amazing than the next (if your definition of amazing borderlines offensive). Some seriously impressive piles of worms (and by the end, impressive piles of baby-oiled cables being writhed by some slippery key grips). The nightmare ending as abruptly as it begins, and we really do mean abruptly. There's a few fantastic scenes with a spaced-out southern-hospitality-oozing mom. And finally, worms pushing a tree onto a house.

Reasons to watch the MST3K version: Likely some epically boring scenes have been removed to fit the time slot, making this version more of a highlight reel. There's a hilarious take down of the “shout someone's name over and over and over while searching for them” gag. The jokes are on point the whole episode through. If you haven't given the Si-Fi episodes of MST3K a chance, this is a pretty good place to start!

What we learned: If you're ever being attacked by giant earthworms, climb a tree and wait for day break. You're regional power company employee will surely be round to save the day!

Blackfish

Yes this is a soul-crushing documentary and not technically eco-horror, but everyone I know who's seen Blackfish instantly comments on how horrifying it is...

The basic outline: Current and ex-employees of Sea World tell stories of how they had truths hidden from them regarding their on the job safety, as well the lies they were told about the deaths of their peers. They recount for us how each of them discovered they were being deceived, how intentional it was, and how they feel about it all in retrospect. They also talk to some current employees who are still drinking the koolaide (so to speak) illustrating starkly well how hard employees are pushed to swallow the corporate line.

Cinematic style: Sea World shows are regularly filmed by both spectators and performers. This gives us a film with footage not only from the time periods in question, but the actual shows in which some inarguably horrific events took place.

Good lessons in: Taking the word of people in power, and the amazing truths you can uncover with access to crowd sourced footage.

How this ties into eco-horror: From beginning to end, this movie highlights the callous way people treat living things for a profit.

Ways you can help the cause: The filmmakers website is full of great links!

Lighten the mood a bit by: Intermittently asking “A fire, at Sea Parks?”, ala the IT Crowd.

Wolfen

After watching American Werewolf in London during last year's Horror for the Holidays, Tim was really excited to watch more werewolf movies! It sounded like a really good idea at the time...

The plot unfolds something like this: A wealthy magnate is breaking ground on a new high-end highrise complex in the south Bronx when he, his wife, and their driver are horribly murdered by a wolf creature [or possibly a camera man with a thermal vision camera]. The city pulls it's best homicide detective out of suspension to solve this case but, he'll have to team up with the city coroner and a another lady who has some kind of job with access to high tech equipment that has some vague relevance to solving the case... Can they figure out who is murdering a few people in a huge city before one or two more people die?

Yep, that's: Edward James Olmos, Gregory Hines, Tom Noonan, Reginald VelJohnson, Diane Venora, Albert Finney, James Tolkan, and Tom Waits as the uncredited Drunken Bar Owner.

What we learned: What a city looks like through a wolf's eyes. (Because 80% of the movie was shot from that POV.)

Things to watch for: A naked man pretending to be a wolf. Wolf creatures who are invisible to some, totally visible to others, and alternating between visible and invisible to everyone else. Disappearing wolfs.... Umm... Oh! Did I mention the naked man?...

Reasons not to watch: Not one single werewolf ever (sorry, we just don't want to get your hopes up about it), and some incredibly painful appropriation of Native American spirituality.

Eco-horror/appropriation plot twist: The wolves in this movie are spirits, or possibly gods [or camera men], who are protecting their ancient hunting ground in the middle of the Bronx. That bit is odd because previous attacks of a similar nature in NYC aren't referenced in this flick. There's not even lore about a monster among the people who live in the area. Apparently during the construction of the Bronx, or the urbanization of that area in general (or the MASS GENOCIDE OF NATIVE AMERICANS centuries before) there was no need to for the wolves to defend their hunting ground. It's almost like these ancient spiritual beings never existed before 1980, but we're expected to believe they're part of the very fabric of our world because magic Native Americans. (And there is actually a magical Native American in this film, he's a shapeshifter and the prime suspect in this case as a result. Because of course First Nations people can actually shape shift. Or at least believe so hard that they can that they kill people with their bare hands.) Did the writers actually think we would believe that this highrise being constructed was the last straw for these ancient spirits? Or were they just using America's flimsy grasp of First Nation culture as an “easy” way to make the movie more super natural. (My chips are on the latter.)

What happened?: This movie has some of our favorite 80s b-movie actors, some innovative (though over used) camera work, and there's even an Chiricahua Apache actor cast as the Native American lead. It had loads of potential, but on top of being offensive, it's boring. Maybe it doesn't hold up over time, or maybe we're missing something, or maybe it's just a bad cut of the film; but there are many people on the interwebs that sing this movie's praises, and we completely don't understand.

What to watch instead: American Werewolf in London or Attack the Block. (Hell, if you're really itching to watch a movie but only have this movie and Thunderheart available to you, watch Thunderheart.)

June Clue #2

Clue two: This month's movie is a Roger Corman mock-buster classic.

Tape Freaks Presents: Mystery Movie! Theatres at Mall of America, Thursday, June 18th at 7:30pm, only $5!

The Bay

The Bay is a horror movie based in 85% truth. The filmmakers were making a documentary when they discovered multiple long-form news stories on the very subject they were tackling. They were completely disheartened to find those stories were already largely being ignored by the public, or buried, or both. Then it struck them to shift gears: they'd take their groundwork and turn the project into a found-footage style horror movie. The result would be a creepy horror movie you can't get out of your head for days, that would be largely ignored by the public, or buried, or both.

The plot unfolds something like this: Our narrator, Jaquline, guides us through crowd sourced footage she's edited together in an effort to shed light on the events surrounding a July 4th celebration in a small town off the Chesapeake Bay. She uses footage from the boat of a pair of scientists investigating a massive fish die-off, from an animal rights activist breaking into a poultry farm, from police dashcams, and from the fluff-piece she was shooting for a local network affiliate. She takes us from the mere indication something is wrong, to the eventual take down of most of the town. What is responsible for this mass destruction? The answer won't make you sleep better at night...

Extra creepy part: During a scene in the offices of the (totally out of the loop and buried in bureaucracy) CDC, screens display images from the office-drones collective internet searches. All the images shown are from the real world. It's spectacularly effective at making you squirm as you realize “I've seen those images before...”.

Prepare to wonder the whole movie trough: What parts of this movie are the 85% true parts?

Cinematic style: Yes it's a found footage film, and the narrator is sort of annoying, but those things are forgivable because the rest of the movie is amazing!

Yep, that director of: Rain Man, Good Morning, Vietnam, Wag the Dog, Sphere, Sleepers, Toys...

Blood Freak

Blood Freak (the movie title we based our blog's title on!) is one of those anything-can-happen movies, on par with Blood Feast and Something Weird. Just when you think things couldn't get weirder, they throw the kitchen sink at you.

The plot unfolds something like this: Homeless war vet Herschell befriends good-natured christian girl Angel. She invites her new friend to stay with her, and finds him a job working on a poultry farm. Meanwhile Angel's sister, Ann, has her sights set on Herschell's affection. Ann's pusher hatches a scheme to help her woo Herschell by giving him a joint laced with an addictive mystery drug. Back at the turkey farm, Herschell is bribed with more joints to taste test some new chemically modified turkeys. Will the turkeys be safe? Will the weed interact with the genetically modified meat? Will the title of the movie tie in to the story somehow?

The Narrator: This basement-budget movie has a narrator who sits at a desk, chain smoking cigarettes in a wood-panel basement. He doesn't just bookend the movie with beatnik pontifications, he interjects his whacked-out ideas throughout the flick. Oh, he's also the co-director/writer of this picture! (The other director, of course, is our war vet Herchell.)

Things to watch for: What looks like a weed addiction, if you miss a key bit of dialogue. A blood thirsty drug addict. The best werechicken mask you'll ever lay eyes on. The fastest drug addiction ever. Ahead-of-it's-time commentary on chemically altering our foods. The fastest decision to dump a body (before checking for vital signs) ever. A chicken-headed werevampire that feeds on the blood of drug addicts.

Tag line: A dracula on drugs.

June clue #1:

Clue one: Our movie this month is a classic eco-horror.

Tape Freaks Presents: June 18th Mystery Movie at Theatres at Mall of America, at 7:30pm, only $5!