May 6, 2014

Critters 3 & 4 Double Feature

Each Critters movie is exponentially harder to watch than the last, but at least they keep it interesting by making each entry uniquely uncomfortable!

Critters 3

This installment in the series starts off with a flashback-mashup-preview of the first two movies before throwing down the goofy gauntlet and never looking back. I venture to say we've never seen a movie as goofy as this one, and that's saying something...

The plot unfolds something like this: A midwestern family is at the tail end of their RV vacation when they get a flat tire. While dad repairs the tire Krite eggs make their way onto the camper, and the kids happen upon Charlie, a stranger who's brimming with ominous warnings who shares some of those warnings with them. Once the RV tire is fixed the family returns home, unwittingly bringing the Crite eggs back with them. In short order Critters infest their apartment building and the epic goof-fest begins! Will Charlie make it the city to save them? Will the Krites over run the city? Will the dad get a job at the phone company?!? Will the goofiness ever end?!?!?

Things to watch for: Some stronger than usual female characters (a mainstay for Critters movies), and awkward teenage dialogue at every single opportunity!

Yep, that's: Leonardo DiCaprio.

That lady moments with: Frances Bay (Happy Gilmore, Blue Velvet) and Diana Bellamy (one or two episodes of every tv show in the 80s). Between these two ladies lies more than 250 acting credits. If you watched any amount of television between 1977 and 2011, you'll likely recognize them both.

Our rating: Better with a loud group.

Specs (our copy):
Format: VHS
Previews: Freddy’s Dead
Tag line: “You are what they eat.”
Choice line from the synopsis: “They're orphaned, they're hungry, they're multiplying and they're CRITTERS....”
VHS release company: New Line Home Video
Running time: 86 min
VHS release: 1991

Critters 4

The polar opposite in tone, this installment was made in a goofiness vacuum, making it the least fun of the series by far. This one picks up exactly where the last film left off.

The plot unfolds something like this: Charlie has to preserve the universe's last two Krite eggs in a pod programed to jettison into space. Charlie manages get himself into the pod with the eggs and together they're cryogenic frozen and jettison into space. Fifty-three years later, a space salvage crew discovers the pod floating through space. They agree to return the pod to it's owners for a hefty reward, until the captain decided to crack open the pod! Charlie and the Krites are released and duke it out one last time, all while floating through space.

Who steals the show: Brad Dorrif and Angela Basset. They  are both so much better than the material they're working with.

Our rating: Hard to watch on many levels.

Specs (our copy):
Format: VHS
Previews: Excessive Force, Year of the Comet, The Player
Tag line: “In space, they love to hear you scream!”
Choice line from the synopsis: “This time they're hungry to conquer the galaxy, with an appetite for mankind that's out of this world.”
VHS release company: New Line Home Video
Running time: 94 min
VHS release: 1992

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