August 7, 2010

Black Roses

(ahh, the gentle crotch grab scene...
wait, that wasn't in the movie!)

                                    (Watching the trailer is almost a substitute for watching the movie!)  

Have you ever wanted to see a movie featuring bad hair metal music that would haunt you for days that featured demon vs. human bare knuckle fist fights? Then have we got the movie for you! It opens on a concert venue scene with band Black Roses in full demon makeup and soon cut to what we assume is the band (now human) rolling into a small town in two mint Lamborghinis. From here in it’s all up or down hill depending what you want out of a movie. In short order we are introduced to incidental music hokier than a Saturday morning cartoon, a cast of "teens" including Johnny [He’s not 35 he’s 17, NO really! See, he doesn’t even have any side burns!]  and their hip, “with it” teacher.

The plot unfolds something like this: Black Roses wants to play a show in small town USA but of course, the small town parents don’t want them to. After the band plays anyway, the students are listless and delinquent. The hip teacher is mostly determined to get to the bottom of why, if nothing gets in his way or makes him sleepy.

Things to watch for: A 35 year old desperately trying to embody James Dean. Lip-syncing with the enunciation of Screech. Two regular guys, enjoying a nice glass of milk. Some choice Hanna Barbarra style sound effects. Lots of Dario Argento style lighting. A crane shot for every scene shot outdoors. A tennis ball chosen over a lamp as a weapon. A demon-possessed stereo eating a guy whole.

A “That guy!” moment with: Vincent “Big Pussy” Pastore (The Sopranos).

“Special Appearance”: Carmine Appicea. Who is that you ask? Well he’s the drummer in this movie's band as well as the co-writer of “Do You Think I’m Sexy”, was in the band Vanilla Fudge, and recorded on Paul Stanleys solo album. And that really just scratches the surface…

What the filmmakers might have been thinking: Ok, we have full use of a crane, two Lamborghinis, all these demon puppets & costumes…wanna make a movie?

What we learned: When music that bad has a following that big, you know the devil must be involved.

Tag line: “Turn Up The Volume, Turn Down The Lights, But Don’t Watch It Alone!”
Choice line from synopsis: “THE SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE FANTASTIC.”
VHS release company: Imperial Entertainment Corp
Running time: 90 min
VHS release: 1988
Original release:  1988

Our rating: Better with a group.

Super Awesome Bonus Stuff!
Damien Now
Black Roses Song

(from top to bottom, left to right, what's happening in these photos)
1) Our hero about to...dose off?
2) See how hip this teacher is, he's wearing sunglasses inside!
3) Mr. Pastore being eaten by a speaker demon.
4) If you saw this thing I bet you'd throw a tennis ball at it too!
5) Concert attendees turned to zombies int one cut.
6) Our–AHEM–young Johnny.
7) Every bands favorite tour vehicle: the Lamborghini.

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