June 16, 2015

The Crawlers

The Crawlers is basically the tree possession scene from Evil Dead expanded upon with the same Italian gusto as Troll 2, and without trees sexually assaulting anyone...

The plot unfolds something like this: Josie is returning to her sleepy country hometown after a stint of living in the city. Her high school flame still carries a torch for her and the whole town is waiting for them to get back together. The whole town is also experiencing a series of strange deaths that no one but the young couple seems to notice. Even the town sheriff won't listen to their insistence that something is wrong. But a nuclear power plant technician knows something's up, but by the time he has all the pieces together, it might very well too late.

Totally a high schooler, not a 35 year old: We've run into many movies that star adults playing characters that are supposed to be high schoolers. Grown men's sideburns are shaved above the tops of their ears (creepy), grown women smack gum and roll their eyes, they jump and skip every where they go because they're not adults, they're teenagers. Now, sometimes this works, or is necessary, but mostly it's PAINFUL. This movie falls under the painful category. Though no one comes right out and says how old the young couple is, they imply fairly heavily that they are quite young. The sheriff won't listen to them because he “remembers them from high school”, they talk about high school in every other scene, they even mention that Josie skipped town when she was only 16. The lengths they take to emphasize how “young” they are leave us to wonder if the filmmakers were trying to convince us of this fact, or if they were just taunting us to catch them.

Reasons to watch: A sheriff that refuses listen to anyone. Exponentially better and better tree kill scenes. Effects and acting that will leave you with that “if they can do it, why can't we...” feeling. Plot holes filled by “eureka” moments that come so far out of left field they could only be ideas fed to the actors by PAs off screen reading ahead from the script. And finally, trees killing people!

A gold star for: There are several scenes that leave us wondering if people are acting out of their range and we're supposed to pick up on some kind of subtext, or if they were just being awkward.

A double feature you might not survive: The Crawlers and Squirm.

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