September 10, 2015

Time Guardian

This movie was an Australian movie and we had no idea! It was also terribly convoluted, but still managed to be pretty fun.

The plot unfolds something like this: In the future the only humans left on earth live in a city that travels through time and stands above ground on legs like a table, and has an “underground”, and flies– look that part is complicated. The important part is that they have all but abolished weapons. This leaves them open to attack by the cyborg people that were driven underground many years ago. In order to save their city the future humans must relocate to the Australian Outback circa 1990... Look they just do ok? But first they have to send ahead some scouts to be sure the cyborg people didn't get there first. Even though they're all on the same floating, standing city thing...
Other stuff that happens in this movie: Carrie Fischer leads the scouting party only to be injured 5 mins after landing and has to spend the rest of this film laying around encouraging the main protagonist’s love to flourish. Local cops also give EVERYONE a hard time.

Well that never comes up again: In the beginning of the “present day Australia” portion of this flick, there's a scene where a wind kicks up and freezes all the liquid. Everything from people's sodas to a cop's urine stream are flash frozen, and it never comes up again. The local aboriginal people know about the time-traveling city and anticipate that it's coming back, but once that knowledge is reveled, it doesn't come up again. Also the frozen urine cop gets sucked into a piece of the cyborg's sphere things [don't ask] after reaching into it and pulling out a gun. And that never comes up again...

Things to watch for: Carrie Fischer and the men in the main landing party all have vacuum-sealed chest plates that include graphic nipples. A geologist that never once does anything geology related. Carrie Fischer dying to protect a blossoming love, even though she really didn't have to die to save them...

This movie thinks it's Terminator: The main protagonist is very Kyle Reese-eques, he even fights cyborgs in a police station, and for some reason says the line “I'll be back”.

She's a geologist: Who knows a lot about cave paintings, earth movers, and is responsible for liquids flash freezing (according to the frozen-pee cop anyway).

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