Critters

We're so excited for the Theaters of MOA's screening of Critters 2, we had to re-watch the original! This movie is good fun from start to finish and it contains one of our all-time-favorite insult slinging dads. Seriously, his casual threat to his kid has inspired us to hurl some impressive insults around our circle of friends.

The plot unfolds something like this: One eventing the Brown family notices a strange light in the sky fall into their back yard. Unfortunately for them, it's Krites, a pack of furry aliens hell bent on eating everything in their path. Luckily, shapeshifting intergalactic bounty hunters are on the case, though they seem to be better at smashing up the town than actually hunting Krites. No matter, with the Browns taking out more Krites than our bounty hunters can shake a stick at, someone is likely to save the day!

Things to watch for: The biggest overreaction to the possibility of missing a bus ever uttered by a father to his son. Special effects by the Chiodo Brothers. The same house and yard used in Invaders From Mars. Zoolander's good friend Billy Zane! The flimsiest excuse to have a song written for, and several times preformed in, a movie.

What we learned: When in doubt, throw modified firecrackers at it.

What the filmmakers might have been thinking: I've never seen a horror movie where the heroes swoop in and destroy as much as the bad guys...

“Hey that's” moments with: Dee Wallace (The Howling, ET), Scott Grimes (ER, Party of Five) and M. Emmet Walsh (Blade Runner, Fletch, The Jerk and 206 other things).

Yep, that's: Billy Zane.

Specs (our copy):

Format: VHS

Previews: none

Tag line: none

Choice line from the synopsis: “It's an alien adventure, full of action and just crawling with CRITTERS!”

VHS release company: RCA

Running time: 86min

VHS release: 1986

Original release: 1986

Our rating: Better with a group.

Power of the Night

     

There was a trend in 80s horror movies thats origin sort of eludes us; producers commissioning uncomfortably specific pop songs written with the intention of being preformed in the film they're too specific about. Reasons this might have been a trend could involve the birth and raging success of MTV around the same time. It could also have to do with deals between movie and record execs. But whatever the reasons, big name producers jumped all over the idea like a dogs over scraps of meat. 

What we do know is that trend left us with some AMAZING 80's music gems, including Power of the Night featured in Critters.

Written and preformed by Terrence Mann (though he isn't credited on the original soundtrack) the song was entirely removed from later reissues (possibly because they weren't crediting the right musician). Lucky for us, we live in the age of the internet, where you couldn't obliterate anything this amazing if you tried! Please enjoy (as we have been all week) Power of the Night: 

Black Roses

(ahh, the gentle crotch grab scene...
wait, that wasn't in the movie!)

                                    (Watching the trailer is almost a substitute for watching the movie!)  

Have you ever wanted to see a movie featuring bad hair metal music that would haunt you for days that featured demon vs. human bare knuckle fist fights? Then have we got the movie for you! It opens on a concert venue scene with band Black Roses in full demon makeup and soon cut to what we assume is the band (now human) rolling into a small town in two mint Lamborghinis. From here in it’s all up or down hill depending what you want out of a movie. In short order we are introduced to incidental music hokier than a Saturday morning cartoon, a cast of "teens" including Johnny [He’s not 35 he’s 17, NO really! See, he doesn’t even have any side burns!]  and their hip, “with it” teacher.

The plot unfolds something like this: Black Roses wants to play a show in small town USA but of course, the small town parents don’t want them to. After the band plays anyway, the students are listless and delinquent. The hip teacher is mostly determined to get to the bottom of why, if nothing gets in his way or makes him sleepy.

Things to watch for: A 35 year old desperately trying to embody James Dean. Lip-syncing with the enunciation of Screech. Two regular guys, enjoying a nice glass of milk. Some choice Hanna Barbarra style sound effects. Lots of Dario Argento style lighting. A crane shot for every scene shot outdoors. A tennis ball chosen over a lamp as a weapon. A demon-possessed stereo eating a guy whole.

A “That guy!” moment with: Vincent “Big Pussy” Pastore (The Sopranos).

“Special Appearance”: Carmine Appicea. Who is that you ask? Well he’s the drummer in this movie's band as well as the co-writer of “Do You Think I’m Sexy”, was in the band Vanilla Fudge, and recorded on Paul Stanleys solo album. And that really just scratches the surface…

What the filmmakers might have been thinking: Ok, we have full use of a crane, two Lamborghinis, all these demon puppets & costumes…wanna make a movie?

What we learned: When music that bad has a following that big, you know the devil must be involved.

Specs:

Previews: Black Eagle, Obsession A Taste For Fear

Tag line: “Turn Up The Volume, Turn Down The Lights, But Don’t Watch It Alone!”

Choice line from synopsis: “THE SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE FANTASTIC.”

VHS release company: Imperial Entertainment Corp

Running time: 90 min

VHS release: 1988

Original release:  1988

Our rating: Better with a group.

Super Awesome Bonus Stuff!
Damien Now
Black Roses Song

(from top to bottom, left to right, what's happening in these photos)

1) Our hero about to...dose off?

2) See how hip this teacher is, he's wearing sunglasses inside!

3) Mr. Pastore being eaten by a speaker demon.

4) If you saw this thing I bet you'd throw a tennis ball at it too!

5) Concert attendees turned to zombies int one cut.

6) Our–AHEM–young Johnny.

7) Every bands favorite tour vehicle: the Lamborghini.