Horror in the Woods: Grizzly

This movie started with so much promise, but ultimately it fell short of delivering on it's VERY promising set up. However, it wasn't a complete let down, even though it was pretty much Jaws with a bear...

The opening: Two women are breaking camp in the woods when an animal (presumably a bear) mauls each of them POV slasher style. The first woman gets it at the camp site, and the second woman takes cover inside a shack that the (presumably) bear literally tears apart before also killing her.

The next time we see that shack: It's all in one piece again and the bear has seemingly hung the woman's body from the rafters (before or after putting the shack back together, who can be sure) because she falls from the ceiling and freaks the hell of the rangers searching for the two women.

The actual plot: I couldn't really tell you, this one is aaaaaall over the place. But basically, it's Jaws in the woods with a bear.


The love interest that vanishes into thin air: A good chunk of the first half of the film is spent setting up a romance between our "hero" (pictured left) and a reporter. They finally kiss at one point, and then we literally never see her again. Very strange.

The bear's MO: At the start of the film it seems like the bear is strictly targeting women, so much so that the rangers discuss it at one point. And then, very suddenly, the bear decides to kill dudes, kids and other bears, and no one mentions the initial pattern again. Over all the bear seems to be killing indiscriminately, though the rangers are pretty sure the bear is hunting for food, never mind that the bear has already killed enough people to sustain him for a good three years...

Kinda surprisingly gory: Parts of this film are VERY gory in contrast to rest of the film. This is especially well illustrated in a scene where a little boy, innocently playing with a bunny in his yard, is mauled by the bear. The final shot of that scene: a substantial  hold on the kid's newly ripped off leg. It's SUPER graphic and absolutely doesn't fit with the humdrum tone of the rest of the flick.

And then, there was a rocket launcher: There's not much happening between bear kills (aside from ASININE dialogue), but in the last few mins of the film, the movie tries really hard to make up for that by EXPLODING A BEAR WITH A ROCKET LAUNCHER. That part is pretty undeniably fun.



via GIPHY

Aquatic Horror: Jaws

So much has been said about this horror game changer, but not all of that has been true.

The opening scene: Many times I've heard people tell the story of how the woman in the opening scene was being yanked by grips under water to create this effect. The story goes that she was pulled so hard that they pulled her shoulder out of socket, resulting in the realistic screaming and panic she portrays in this scene.

Not even close: Not only is that story false, it completely erases how a) this was a well thought out stunt put together by an experienced stunt team and b) the stunt woman in the scene designed the stunt expressly to keep her from drowning at the hands of confused crew people. But don't take my word for it, start watching the behind the scenes video below at the 20 min mark and hear it from the woman herself:

Why is that a problem?: Stories like these remove agency from the actors on screen. If we write these performances off as reactions rather than honed skill, we're implying that those people aren't capable of being skilled in these areas. That's pretty messed up. 

Not the only example of this kind of thing: The instance that got me thinking about the possible false narrative of that Jaws scene was the story of Will Smith on an infamous episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Many times I'd seen that this was just an accidental breakdown on Smith's part while recalling his own father leaving him when he was a kid. But that's not true either. According to a well sourced and epic take down of that lie by a tumblr user (that I cannot find now of course) that features this Uproxx article, Smith's father was nothing like his character's father. Smith was actually using unrelated personal experiences to inform his character's emotional response in that scene, just like every other actor on the planet does.

Question everything: The next time you hear a behind-the-scenes story about a particularly real scene in a movie, tv show, or the like that credits the realness/rawness to something other than talent, dig a bit and see what you come up with. And shut those lies down if you turn up that it's false!

Aquatic Horror: Piranha (1978)

This Joe Dante directed freshwater classic is a fantastic jab at Jaws but also sets up one of our favorite that's-way-too-long-after-the-last-instalment-to-make-another-instalment sequels!

The plot unfolds something like this: An insurance adjuster has been sent to find the bodies of two missing teenagers in a remote summer resort town. While searching an abandon research facility, she accidentally releases genetically engineered fresh-water piranha into the town's river. Who would be genetically piranha you ask? The military of course! And they're hell bent on getting their fish back, innocent locals be damned...

Low key jabs at the military: Though the military cooperated with the production of Piranha, they were doing so under the assumption that the military portrayed in the film would end up the heroes. That might be because Dante gave them a fake script that portrayed that exact scenario, but the actual version of the film basically makes the military the bad guys. And it's not just because they created the piranha in the first place, but also their reckless attempts to get the fish back into their position and their lying to the public about the eradication of the piranha.

Great appearances by: Barbara Steele as the military scientist, Dick Miller as the local resort owner, and Paul Bartel shows up to be berated by Miller's character while he directs a commercial for his resort.

Jaws rip-off: Dante didn't try to hide from the audience that they were parodying Jaws, they even have on of the main characters playing a Jaws stand-up video game under the directer credit in the opening scene!