Critters 3 & 4 Double Feature

Each Critters movie is exponentially harder to watch than the last, but at least they keep it interesting by making each entry uniquely uncomfortable!

Critters 3

This installment in the series starts off with a flashback-mashup-preview of the first two movies before throwing down the goofy gauntlet and never looking back. I venture to say we've never seen a movie as goofy as this one, and that's saying something...

The plot unfolds something like this: A midwestern family is at the tail end of their RV vacation when they get a flat tire. While dad repairs the tire Krite eggs make their way onto the camper, and the kids happen upon Charlie, a stranger who's brimming with ominous warnings who shares some of those warnings with them. Once the RV tire is fixed the family returns home, unwittingly bringing the Crite eggs back with them. In short order Critters infest their apartment building and the epic goof-fest begins! Will Charlie make it the city to save them? Will the Krites over run the city? Will the dad get a job at the phone company?!? Will the goofiness ever end?!?!?

Things to watch for: Some stronger than usual female characters (a mainstay for Critters movies), and awkward teenage dialogue at every single opportunity!

Yep, that's: Leonardo DiCaprio.

That lady moments with: Frances Bay (Happy Gilmore, Blue Velvet) and Diana Bellamy (one or two episodes of every tv show in the 80s). Between these two ladies lies more than 250 acting credits. If you watched any amount of television between 1977 and 2011, you'll likely recognize them both.

Our rating: Better with a loud group.

Specs (our copy):

Format: VHS

Previews: Freddy’s Dead

Tag line: “You are what they eat.”

Choice line from the synopsis: “They're orphaned, they're hungry, they're multiplying and they're CRITTERS....”

VHS release company: New Line Home Video

Running time: 86 min

VHS release: 1991

Critters 4

The polar opposite in tone, this installment was made in a goofiness vacuum, making it the least fun of the series by far. This one picks up exactly where the last film left off.

The plot unfolds something like this: Charlie has to preserve the universe's last two Krite eggs in a pod programed to jettison into space. Charlie manages get himself into the pod with the eggs and together they're cryogenic frozen and jettison into space. Fifty-three years later, a space salvage crew discovers the pod floating through space. They agree to return the pod to it's owners for a hefty reward, until the captain decided to crack open the pod! Charlie and the Krites are released and duke it out one last time, all while floating through space.

Who steals the show: Brad Dorrif and Angela Basset. They  are both so much better than the material they're working with.

Our rating: Hard to watch on many levels.

Specs (our copy):

Format: VHS

Previews: Excessive Force, Year of the Comet, The Player

Tag line: “In space, they love to hear you scream!”

Choice line from the synopsis: “This time they're hungry to conquer the galaxy, with an appetite for mankind that's out of this world.”

VHS release company: New Line Home Video

Running time: 94 min

VHS release: 1992

Critters

We're so excited for the Theaters of MOA's screening of Critters 2, we had to re-watch the original! This movie is good fun from start to finish and it contains one of our all-time-favorite insult slinging dads. Seriously, his casual threat to his kid has inspired us to hurl some impressive insults around our circle of friends.

The plot unfolds something like this: One eventing the Brown family notices a strange light in the sky fall into their back yard. Unfortunately for them, it's Krites, a pack of furry aliens hell bent on eating everything in their path. Luckily, shapeshifting intergalactic bounty hunters are on the case, though they seem to be better at smashing up the town than actually hunting Krites. No matter, with the Browns taking out more Krites than our bounty hunters can shake a stick at, someone is likely to save the day!

Things to watch for: The biggest overreaction to the possibility of missing a bus ever uttered by a father to his son. Special effects by the Chiodo Brothers. The same house and yard used in Invaders From Mars. Zoolander's good friend Billy Zane! The flimsiest excuse to have a song written for, and several times preformed in, a movie.

What we learned: When in doubt, throw modified firecrackers at it.

What the filmmakers might have been thinking: I've never seen a horror movie where the heroes swoop in and destroy as much as the bad guys...

“Hey that's” moments with: Dee Wallace (The Howling, ET), Scott Grimes (ER, Party of Five) and M. Emmet Walsh (Blade Runner, Fletch, The Jerk and 206 other things).

Yep, that's: Billy Zane.

Specs (our copy):

Format: VHS

Previews: none

Tag line: none

Choice line from the synopsis: “It's an alien adventure, full of action and just crawling with CRITTERS!”

VHS release company: RCA

Running time: 86min

VHS release: 1986

Original release: 1986

Our rating: Better with a group.

Power of the Night

     

There was a trend in 80s horror movies thats origin sort of eludes us; producers commissioning uncomfortably specific pop songs written with the intention of being preformed in the film they're too specific about. Reasons this might have been a trend could involve the birth and raging success of MTV around the same time. It could also have to do with deals between movie and record execs. But whatever the reasons, big name producers jumped all over the idea like a dogs over scraps of meat. 

What we do know is that trend left us with some AMAZING 80's music gems, including Power of the Night featured in Critters.

Written and preformed by Terrence Mann (though he isn't credited on the original soundtrack) the song was entirely removed from later reissues (possibly because they weren't crediting the right musician). Lucky for us, we live in the age of the internet, where you couldn't obliterate anything this amazing if you tried! Please enjoy (as we have been all week) Power of the Night: