Usually in aerobics movies there's guys in the workout classes with women so they can ogle the women along with the audience, but the men in Killer Workout are DEADLY SERIOUS about aerobicizing. They might be more serious than their instructors or any of their classmates. They are in aerobics to WIN IT, and it never failed to get a laugh out of us.
The plot unfolds something like this: Gym patrons are dropping like flies, while others are sexually harassing each other. Everyone's a suspect (for the killing not the harassing) as bodies are stacking up and... well that about sums it up I think.
Things to watch for: High kill count, gratuitous aerobic workout scenes, jump scares done right, people wearing their workout clothes 24-7, gratuitous aerobic workout scenes, some attempts at man-candy to even things out, gratuitous aerobic workout scenes, outrageous late 80s pop music, and a twist ending you could never see coming. Did I mention gratuitous aerobic workout scenes?
What we learned: If during the first few hours of your first shift at your new job, where a murder has just taken place, you get into a fist fight in the parking lot while taking out the trash and then "go for a ride" with a stranger you just met; don't worry, no one will bring it up again for the rest of the time you work there!
Blood Diner is a strange, gory romp written by a man who holds acting credits for Deathbed, Surf Nazis Must Die, and Terror from the Clit (where he's listed as "clit master"). It's also directed by Jackie Kong, a woman who's film credits are far too few in our opinion. Together they set a high bar for ridiculous, and raise it at every turn.
The plot unfolds something like this: Anwar Namtut has been cornered by the police. He turns to his young nephews to save him (by waiting 20 years to unearth his brain and put it in a jar) so he can continue his quest to resurecct accent Egyptian goddesses.. Meanwhile, his nephews have established an insanely popular vegetarian restaurant where they feed their patrions people disguised as veggie burgers. Gorey wackiness ensues.
Things to watch for: A demanding brain in a jar, topless aerobicizing class being filmed by a toppless camerawoman, barf gags, clever low-budget gore gags, wacky slapstick comedy, a ventriloquist chef, a professional wrestling pitstop, and so, so much more.
What we learned: Jackie Kong is someone we discovered through watching The Being. Not long after, Trash Film Debauchery screened Blood Diner at the Trylon microcinema, and our love was solidified. Few ladies were working in the capacity she was in that genre during that era (with some notable exceptions like Mona Fong, Catherine Cyran), it's always nice to find more ladies who bucked the male system to be awesome in their own rite! It's also exciting that she may be on her way to making another movie, if she can get the funding together for it.
Fun tidbit: Producers set out to make a full on sequel to Blood Feast, but were forced to settle for a homage. Though 20 years later, one of them would play a role in producing Blood Feast 2: All You Can Eat as well as a remake of Wizard of Gore.
Viewing note: If you want to watch Blood Diner, the VHS and DVD are crazy expensive. We recommend the "horror" movie pack we have linked below which goes for $6.50. (Who considers Earth Girls are Easy a horror movie?) This set includes some of our other underrated favorites Parents, and Fido!)
Ninja III is a movie that may have no peer. It combines the horribleness of ninja appropriation with the insanity of the 80s aerobics fad and topping it all off with a spirit possession.
The story unfolds something like this: Ninja III jumps into the action head first as most of the L.A.P.D. is slashed, dropped, drown, and ninja-stared to death while responding to a ninja having murdered a golfer and his golfing party. The cop-massacre ends when our ninja is filled with more bullets than Bonnie and Clyde combined, and still somehow manages to make his was to the bordering desert to die. Luckily, he runs into Christie, a plucky utility worker/aerobics instructor who's body he immediately decides to possess. Christie reports most of that to the police where she meets officer Billy Secord. He's a tenacious cop who stalks Christie until she suddenly relents to his demands that they date. Meanwhile, Christie is hunting down the cops who were successful in defending themselves during the cop-massacre. She's also slowly becoming aware she's “possessed”. Will the ghost of the ninja's blood lust ever be fulfilled?
And there's aerobics?: For reasons that never make any sense at all, Christie teaches an aerobics class in her off hours as a utility worker. As a result of this we're treated to an abundance of scenes with unnecessary aerobicising, both in a gym setting and in the fog filled home of our possessed Christie.
Things to watch for: Epic fog-machine use at the flimsiest excuse. A cop that witnesses an attack against Christie but doesn't help her as she fends off her attackers, but then “arrests” her for assault as a way to "win her heart". The aforementioned harassment plot totally scoring the harasser a date. The grossest use of V-8 Juice in a sex seen we hope to ever see. An arcade game scanning someone with laser-grids. Attempts to jazzercise a ninja spirit away. A man who wears a sweater underneath all his tank tops... hold on, maybe that wasn't a sweater...
What we learned: Sometimes you don't have to see the two previous movies to fully enjoy the third in the series.
But did we like it: Honestly, this movie gets better and better at every turn... if your version of “better” involves fog machines and laser light shows... which ours does...
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