Horror in the Woods: Grizzly

This movie started with so much promise, but ultimately it fell short of delivering on it's VERY promising set up. However, it wasn't a complete let down, even though it was pretty much Jaws with a bear...

The opening: Two women are breaking camp in the woods when an animal (presumably a bear) mauls each of them POV slasher style. The first woman gets it at the camp site, and the second woman takes cover inside a shack that the (presumably) bear literally tears apart before also killing her.

The next time we see that shack: It's all in one piece again and the bear has seemingly hung the woman's body from the rafters (before or after putting the shack back together, who can be sure) because she falls from the ceiling and freaks the hell of the rangers searching for the two women.

The actual plot: I couldn't really tell you, this one is aaaaaall over the place. But basically, it's Jaws in the woods with a bear.


The love interest that vanishes into thin air: A good chunk of the first half of the film is spent setting up a romance between our "hero" (pictured left) and a reporter. They finally kiss at one point, and then we literally never see her again. Very strange.

The bear's MO: At the start of the film it seems like the bear is strictly targeting women, so much so that the rangers discuss it at one point. And then, very suddenly, the bear decides to kill dudes, kids and other bears, and no one mentions the initial pattern again. Over all the bear seems to be killing indiscriminately, though the rangers are pretty sure the bear is hunting for food, never mind that the bear has already killed enough people to sustain him for a good three years...

Kinda surprisingly gory: Parts of this film are VERY gory in contrast to rest of the film. This is especially well illustrated in a scene where a little boy, innocently playing with a bunny in his yard, is mauled by the bear. The final shot of that scene: a substantial  hold on the kid's newly ripped off leg. It's SUPER graphic and absolutely doesn't fit with the humdrum tone of the rest of the flick.

And then, there was a rocket launcher: There's not much happening between bear kills (aside from ASININE dialogue), but in the last few mins of the film, the movie tries really hard to make up for that by EXPLODING A BEAR WITH A ROCKET LAUNCHER. That part is pretty undeniably fun.



via GIPHY

Invasion USA

There are some pretty excellent reasons to watch Invasion USA, though not many of them have to do with Chuck Norris. He stalks the halls of an empty office building, he skulks around a plucky reporter, he makes wry comments at the bad guys. Generally speaking there are fantastic action sequences peppered with epic explosions, but all those scenes are intercut with stone-wall molasses Chuck walkin' around.

The plot unfolds something like this: An invasion is being planned on the shores of Florida by communist terrorists on a quest to do something... and they will stop at nothing to blow up a few houses in the suburbs, drive through a mall, and blow up a house on the bayou to prove... I can't even remember. What does the plot matter when they are laying waste to much of what makes the childhood of suburbanite kids dull and uninspired?

Explosions!: There's not much to say about this movie because most of the amazing parts are when stuff is blowing up. But they actually got to blow up real structures making this film's action especially wonderful. The filmmakers had access to a housing development that was being demolished, a mall that was re-modeling, a shack in the bayou and many other structures they inevitably level. It adds something to the action that's hard (or expensive) to get in a movie using models or CGI, and it's worth all the Wooden Chuck in the world to see them!

Reasons to watch: The aforementioned blowing up of lots of stuff. A car chase scene through a mall! The opportunity to make fun of Boring Chuck over and over. A cute scene with an armadillo. Billy Drago! Chuck Norris might be a “one man army” but there's an actual army in the final scene that also has an enjoyable hand in the blowing up of stuff. Did I mention that EVERYTHING is unequivocally destroyed?!?

Cringe moments: When a boat full of unarmed people get's mowed down, it starts to feel like excessive “these guys are really really bad guys” fodder. Also, Chuck gives Jack Bower and Dirty Harry a run for their money on the “one man army” and “laws smaws” fronts.

Siblings of the stars: Aaron Norris, brother of Chuck, is not only co-credited with writing the screen play for Invasion USA, he is also the stunt coordinator.

What we learned: If any other action star from this time period stared in Invasion USA, this would be a must watch classic. However, if someone other than Chuck had starred, someone different would have likely been the stunt coordinator and the action wouldn't have been as good. This might be our official selection for Catch-22 Action Flick of the 20th century.

Weird stuff I know after researching Invasion USA: This movie has a novelization. I found a lovely review of said novel at Glorious Trash.