Horror/Power Pop Mixtape.

Its been awhile since I did one of these, but since we are playing a fun 80's horror movie tomorrow night I figured I should throw cheesy horror mix together. I've had the idea for a horror/power pop mixtape for awhile but only had a handful of songs that fit the theme, so I had to cheat a little. But no matter, please enjoy!

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior

We watched this movie two nights in a row because we couldn't contain our excitement for Mad Max: Fury Road. It's kind of amazing how well The Road Warrior holds up over time, but that also accentuates the parts that don't.

What we still love: The action is still intense, the stunts aren't restrained by the budget, and they are shot with a cinematic eye. They over turn a semi, they flip a guy off his motorcycle end-over-end, and they flip/roll/blow-up every moving vehicle on screen, but they also pause to let the massive landscape saturate the screen.* There's amazing updates to Max's wardrobe and vehicle designs. There's more female leads. The action is wall to wall. Many movies would try to emulate Mad Max 2 for years to come, and most all would fall short in many, many ways.

What doesn't stand the test of time: Our friend said it best during our second viewing: “I HATE HER HAIR” (referring to the female lead who looks like she walked out of a Whoville aerobics class). The lead female warrior isn't much better with her crimped mane held out of her face with a leather strap. And of course theres a totally unnecessary rape scene. The only other thing that stands out in this film as a misstep is the blinding whiteness. There's not a person of color to be seen anywhere in this post apocalyptic outback, despite indigenous populations residing throughout the Australian desert, and the non-white population throughout the country.

Over all, watching this movie two nights back to back truly set our expectation bar in the exact right place for watching Fury Road. (And so far we've seen that twice, and hopefully we'll get to enjoy it a few times more before it's out of theaters! ...And hopefully at the drive-in... and the dollar theater...)

*100% worth the blu-ray upgrade.

Killer Workout (aka Aerobicide)

Usually in aerobics movies there's guys in the workout classes with women so they can ogle the women along with the audience, but the men in Killer Workout are DEADLY SERIOUS about aerobicizing. They might be more serious than their instructors or any of their classmates. They are in aerobics to WIN IT, and it never failed to get a laugh out of us.

The plot unfolds something like this: Gym patrons are dropping like flies, while others are sexually harassing each other. Everyone's a suspect (for the killing not the harassing) as bodies are stacking up and... well that about sums it up I think.

Things to watch for: High kill count, gratuitous aerobic workout scenes, jump scares done right, people wearing their workout clothes 24-7, gratuitous aerobic workout scenes, some attempts at man-candy to even things out, gratuitous aerobic workout scenes, outrageous late 80s pop music, and a twist ending you could never see coming. Did I mention gratuitous aerobic workout scenes?

What we learned: If during the first few hours of your first shift at your new job, where a murder has just taken place, you get into a fist fight in the parking lot while taking out the trash and then "go for a ride" with a stranger you just met; don't worry, no one will bring it up again for the rest of the time you work there!

May clue #3:

Clue three: Vanity does not make an appearance in this movie.

Tape Freaks Presents: May 21st Mystery Movie! Theatres at Mall of America, Thursday, May 21st at 7:30pm, only $5!

Blood Diner (1987)

Blood Diner is a strange, gory romp written by a man who holds acting credits for Deathbed, Surf Nazis Must Die, and Terror from the Clit (where he's listed as "clit master"). It's also directed by Jackie Kong, a woman who's film credits are far too few in our opinion. Together they set a high bar for ridiculous, and raise it at every turn.

The plot unfolds something like this: Anwar Namtut has been cornered by the police. He turns to his young nephews to save him (by waiting 20 years to unearth his brain and put it in a jar) so he can continue his quest to resurecct accent Egyptian goddesses.. Meanwhile, his nephews have established an insanely popular vegetarian restaurant where they feed their patrions people disguised as veggie burgers. Gorey wackiness ensues.

Things to watch for: A demanding brain in a jar, topless aerobicizing class being filmed by a toppless camerawoman, barf gags, clever low-budget gore gags, wacky slapstick comedy, a ventriloquist chef, a professional wrestling pitstop, and so, so much more.

What we learned: Jackie Kong is someone we discovered through watching The Being. Not long after, Trash Film Debauchery screened Blood Diner at the Trylon microcinema, and our love was solidified. Few ladies were working in the capacity she was in that genre during that era (with some notable exceptions like Mona Fong, Catherine Cyran), it's always nice to find more ladies who bucked the male system to be awesome in their own rite! It's also exciting that she may be on her way to making another movie, if she can get the funding together for it.

Fun tidbit: Producers set out to make a full on sequel to Blood Feast, but were forced to settle for a homage. Though 20 years later, one of them would play a role in producing Blood Feast 2: All You Can Eat as well as a remake of Wizard of Gore.

Viewing note: If you want to watch Blood Diner, the VHS and DVD are crazy expensive. We recommend the "horror" movie pack we have linked below which goes for $6.50. (Who considers Earth Girls are Easy a horror movie?) This set includes some of our other underrated favorites Parents, and Fido!)

May clue #2:

Clue two: This months movie uses a well worn Michael Crichton "Man vs Machine" trope to spur the main conflict!

Tape Freaks Presents: May 21st Mystery Movie! Theatres at Mall of America, Thursday, May 21st at 7:30pm, only $5!

Ninja III: The Domination

Ninja III is a movie that may have no peer. It combines the horribleness of ninja appropriation with the insanity of the 80s aerobics fad and topping it all off with a spirit possession. 

The story unfolds something like this: Ninja III jumps into the action head first as most of the L.A.P.D. is slashed, dropped, drown, and ninja-stared to death while responding to a ninja having murdered a golfer and his golfing party. The cop-massacre ends when our ninja is filled with more bullets than Bonnie and Clyde combined, and still somehow manages to make his was to the bordering desert to die. Luckily, he runs into Christie, a plucky utility worker/aerobics instructor who's body he immediately decides to possess. Christie reports most of that to the police where she meets officer Billy Secord. He's a tenacious cop who stalks Christie until she suddenly relents to his demands that they date. Meanwhile, Christie is hunting down the cops who were successful in defending themselves during the cop-massacre. She's also slowly becoming aware she's “possessed”. Will the ghost of the ninja's blood lust ever be fulfilled?

And there's aerobics?: For reasons that never make any sense at all, Christie teaches an aerobics class in her off hours as a utility worker. As a result of this we're treated to an abundance of scenes with unnecessary aerobicising, both in a gym setting and in the fog filled home of our possessed Christie.

Things to watch for: Epic fog-machine use at the flimsiest excuse. A cop that witnesses an attack against Christie but doesn't help her as she fends off her attackers,  but then “arrests” her for assault as a way to "win her heart". The aforementioned harassment plot totally scoring the harasser a date. The grossest use of V-8 Juice in a sex seen we hope to ever see. An arcade game scanning someone with laser-grids. Attempts to jazzercise a ninja spirit away. A man who wears a sweater underneath all his tank tops... hold on, maybe that wasn't a sweater...

What we learned: Sometimes you don't have to see the two previous movies to fully enjoy the third in the series.

But did we like it: Honestly, this movie gets better and better at every turn... if your version of “better” involves fog machines and laser light shows... which ours does...

May clue #1:

Clue one: This month's flick is a horror movie centered around a popular 80s recreational activity.

Tape Freaks Presents: May 21st Mystery Movie!: Theatres at Mall of America, Thursday, May 21th at 7:30pm, only $5!