After our sudden cancelation of the
inaugural Tape Freaks screening in January, we had to make a choice
to make about February; do we play the epic pick we had ready for
January, or stick to the weirdness we had lined up for February? But
then we asked ourselves an even more important question: why not
both?
So on Thursday, Feb 19th you'll get two
doses of epic weirdness for the price of one! Come be amazed, be
confused, be thoroughly entertained, and then immediately do it all over
again! We'll have fun giveaways and you'll likely hear about why we
had to cancel January.
The movies remain a secret until the
title hits the screen, but we want you to have some idea of what to
expect, so we're going to throw out our first set of clues
right...NOW:
Movie one features not one, not two,
but three musicians turned actors.
Movie two features not one, not two,
but three killers largely influenced by lunar eclipses.
All the movies we've seen Vanity in
have been amazing in a bad way and The Last Dragon was no exception.
In fact, this movie would have moved to the top of the “Amazing
Vanity Movie List” if it hadn't been for one blazingly awkward main
character...
The plot unfolds something like this:
Leroy Green (our hero) is sent into the world by his martial arts
master to take the next step towards becoming a master himself. On
his quest he instantly, though unwittingly, makes some powerful
enemies. Will Leroy become the master he wishes to be? Will he be
able to keep Laura safe? Will Angela Viracco get her music video
played on TV?
Let me explain. There are a number of
subplots trying to horn their way into plot position, here's how they
unfold:
1) Leroy Green (our hero) is on a
quest to reach the next step in his marital arts training. His
master has sent him out into the world to find his next master, who
happens to makes fortune cookies on the side. Will Leroy find this
new master? Will the fortune cookie warehouse workers let Leroy in
to see this master if he does?
2) Leroy runs afoul The Shogun of
Harlem while in attendance of a Bruce Lee movie marathon. The Shogun
demands a face off with the “legendary” Leroy Green to decide
once and for all who the martial arts master of Harlem really is.
Leroy humbly declines the invitation and continues watching the film.
Will he regret denying the Shogun his showdown? Will the Shogun stop
at nothing to get his showdown?
3) Local heavy weight
thug/boss/villain Eddie Arkadian want's his lady-candy Angela
Viracco's music career to take off. He plans to convince popular VJ
Laura to play Angela's video on her show. When Laura turns him down,
his tactics get dirtier. Will Laura submit to his strong arming or
will Leroy be able to him at bay?
Got it? That doesn't even cover the
sub-subplots: abusive boyfriend getting kicked to the curb, the
“blossoming” love between Leroy and Laura, Leroy's 9 year old
brother's unrequited love for Laura, and the Green family's
restaurant business woes.
Things to watch for: A pretty epic
takedown of an abusive boyfriend by the girlfriend herself. A musical
performance by DeBarge. The Shogun of Harlem's amazingly bad
costumes. Glowing martial arts effects...
Things to cringe at: Cultural
appropriation of all things Asian by Harlem, and of all things Harlem
by Little Tokyo.
The Big Cringe: At the start of the
film Leroy Green seems to be an Asian immigrant unexpectedly thrust
into the bustling world of 1980s NYC. He wears traditional Chinese
garb, he speaks English as though it's his second language, and he
doesn't pick up on basic cultural cues. When we are introduced to the
rest of the Green family they are definitely NYC natives and they
treat Leroy like their biological son. So, except for the fact that
he acts and talks like he was just dropped from the sky in to their
kitchen, the movie seems to tell us he was born into a typical Harlem
family. It's the weirdest thing. And, unless Leroy was supposed to be
autistic and that wasn't clear enough to the audience, it's
completely horrible. That tone def character makes many of the other
parts of the movie hard to swallow, like Vanity falling for him or
his friends standing so steadfast by his side. And it's a real shame,
because without that, the movie is epically great-bad.
Holy shit, is that...: William H. Macy
(Fargo), Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy from the Cosby Show), Mike Starr
(Goodfellas, Dumb and Dumber).
And why do they look familiar...:
Because they're Ernie Reyes Jr., the lead from Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles II and Julius Carry, the second lead in the short lived
Brisco County Jr.
What we learned from this movie:
Characters have to have motivations that are clear to the audience,
unless you want them to come off like alien creatures...
(*Berry Gordie also wrote and co-wrote all of the songs we linked there.)
Did you know that Dr. Seuss wrote a
screen play in the 50s? Well you do now! The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T
was his only full leingth movie script to hit the silver screen. It
stars Hans Conried (the voice of Captian Hook in Disney's Peter Pan)
and Tommy Rettig (the original boy to TV's Lassie). Strange, dark,
dripping with commentary on opression and world dominataion this is
defanatly a movie for your movie bucket list, and Trylon microcinema
is playing this gem all weekend!
The 5000 fingers of Dr. T, Jan
23rd-25th, show times vary, $8
We are sad to announce unfortunately due to unforeseen circumstances the first Tape Freaks presents event at the MOA this coming Thursday will be postponed and pushed back to officially start the 3rd Thursday of February. This explains our lack of posts going into the month. We wanted to roll this thing out the right way and haven't been able to due to the circumstances. Our apologies if you were planning on attending.
On the upside there will be an event that night if you do choose to attend that we promise will not disappoint. At this time we're not sure if we can say anything but If we can we will post the details.
UPDATE: for tonight at the Mall of America. we just found out that there will not be a replacement screening.
So if you were going out tonight to the MOA for some movie weirdness. You will just have to settle for whatever is currently running.
Sorry.
We promise February will be weird and fun.
That's right, we've taken on a monthly series at Theatres at Mall of America. Each month we will bring you a weird, unique, and cheesy movie we think deserve a larger audience. This series is based on the days when scouring the shelves of your local video store, relying on the cover art and misleading descriptions on the backs, would get you movies that would blow you away, make you cringe or both. And when you found the best of the worst, you'd invite all your buddies over to gleefully watch them be blown away too. Well friends, we've been to the video store and we've got some things to show you! We've got movies you've forgotten about, never heard of, or only heard of, and all of them are worth watching in a room full of people.
The movies will remain secret until the title hits the screen, but we'll be dropping hints on the Tape Freaks blog to give you an idea of what to expect. We'll be exploring movies, directors, actors, and actresses that somehow relate to the movie we've chosen. The movies will screen* every 3rd Thursday and we'll be doing giveaways before each screening.
Hopefully we'll blow some minds, but we're most excited to watch some fun and strange movies with other like minded individuals on the big screen!
See you there!
-Tim and Colette
(*We're sourcing the best versions we can, but sometimes we're going to be screeining actual VHS copies because that's all the further they were allowed to get in the home viewing world.)
We're excited for our new monthly
series to begin, but we're gonna miss Horror for the Holidays. With
that in mind, we thought we'd share with you our vote for January's
H4H would have been. There aren't many New Year's horror movies out
there, but one that Horror for the Holidays didn't get to was Terror
Train.
Jamie Lee Curtis stars in this low
budget slasher that was specifically written to ride the success of
John Carpenter's Halloween. (According to the filmmakers, the premise
came to them when they asked themselves what would happen if
Halloween took place on a train.) But for a rip-off movie, it
doesn't borrow too heavily and there are some seriously amazing
surprises like: a magic act by 24 year old David Copperfield, appearances from Hanz's future “white knight” and favorite B-movie Prince-protege Vanity, and John
Alcott on cinematography!
“John Alcott,” you ask? Not only did he win an Oscar for Best
Cinematography for Barry Lydon, he also shot most of Kubrick's iconic
work. He shot Terror Train and The Shining in the same year. (Drink
that in for a second. The man who shot one of the most atheistically
important movies of the 80s shot Terror Train the same year. This is
either a testament of how humble he was, or an incredible
illustration of how little the film industry values
cinematographers.) Make no mistake, his presence adds some
interesting visual elements to this fairly straight forward slasher.
This forgotten classic is perfect for ringing in the new year: it's got a great cast, creepy masks, great visual effects, an appearances from a
legendary magician before his prime, and a totally ripped off premise
staring the same star as the movie it rips off, and takes place on New Year's Eve.
(I mean really, that's the reason to watch it on New Years...)
If you aren't familiar with Y.N. Rich Kids, take a second to get aquatinted because they will be hosting the Defenders Series at the Trylon microcinema tonight! To quote the organizer "Their movie pick is amazing by the way. You'll be surprised." The Defenders Series is always hosted by a local celebrity who picks a movie to screen No one in the audience knows what's been chosen, and after the movie ends the Defender stands in front of the audience to defend their selection. It's amazing, and to the best of my knowledge it's never been hosted by a kid (let alone a group of them) before. Don't miss this amazing chance to see what these bright and talented kids have selected to Defend! Tonight (Wed 12/17) @ 7pm, Trylon microcinema $8 (half of the proceeds will go to the Beats & Rhymes Program at the Harold Mezile YMCA.)
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