Class of 1999 II: The Substitute

We don't want to give too much away because Trash Films is showing it in April, but this one's a doozie.

The plot unfolds something like this: Apparently, after all the cyborg-teachers were destroyed in the last movie, one lone cyborg-teacher remains, and he's out to substitute teach with avangence.




That-guy moment with: Sasha Mitchell who you might recognize as Patrick Duffy's nephew on the tv shows Step by Step and Dallas.







Totally teenagers, not thirty-somethings: There's some excellent adults playing over-zealous teens in this movie. (They're also stunt guys so in a few cases, it leads to extra awesomeness!)







The director: Spiro Razatos is mainly a stunt coordinator and second unit director and his credits for those things are all over the map. Captain America: Winter Soldier, Fast Five, X-men First Class, The Expendables, Hook, 976-EVIL II, Maniac Cop, and Maniac Cop 2 just to name a few.

Some reasons to watch: The most amazing bed room setup in the history of 90s cinema. Amazing "future" teen gangs. Lots of stuff blowing up and some fun stunt work. And an obligatory game of paint ball turned deadly.

Class of 1999 II: The Substitute at Trylon microcinema, Wednesday, April 20th @ 7:00pm, only 5$!

Rubber

Now the tire from Rubber is obviously not a machine, but it fits the theme enough for us! Also Rubber is one of those weird-with-heart movies we really like, and this is an excuse to talk about it!


The plot unfolds something like this: Um... ok, so...uh... Ok, there's a tire, and people in the desert are watching it... and....

There's no reasonable way to explain this movie: Rubber doesn't have a traditional plot. Things happen and are connected, but the narrative breaks so many rules it's really hard to explain.  Attempting to explain this movie is kind of like trying to explain Cyriak, and the best way I've seen that described was thusly: Sometimes, I suspect that [Cyriak] is the internet, trying to communicate with us in a language it thinks we understand. Watching Rubber (and most of Quentin Dupieux's movies) is like watching film attempt to communicate with us using it's own language.

The director on the subject of Rubber: "I hate movies that are only stupid, all the time, or only smart," he said "I hate it. I like when everything is mixed together. Life is not only one thing. You can be happy but at the same time have strange feelings. It's exactly what I'm trying to do, and I want to be very smart but very stupid. I want to be everything at the same time." [source]



Why we love it: It's weird, funny, self aware, and has an amazing soundtrack. It's a horror movie, but also a faux-heady avant–grade film that never takes itself too seriously.

Hardware

Ok, full disclosure here? This is not one of our favorite movies. THERE WE SAID IT! It's not terrible, we don't hate it, Tim still wants to give it one more watch, and we have lots of friends that love this film, so here's our thoughts on the matter.

The plot unfolds something like this: A salvage sculptor is about to get an intense surprise when her latest work comes to life after unwittingly using a part from an ultra-smart killer robot. Once it charges it's batteries, all hell will break loose.

Rock and roll cameos: Lemmy and Iggy Pop show up as a cabbie and radio DJ respectively.

Things to watch for: Genuinely unique set and costume design throughout the movie. Lots of great pyrotechnic stunt work. The over all mood of the film is something you won't find in many movies of the same time period. Really, not many studios were putting out movies like this in the early 90s.


The writer/director: Richard Stanley was in his early 20s when he directed this film, and that's pretty impressive all things considered.


Stealing from comics: Stanley did lose a suit that claimed he borrowed heavily from this comic, though that comic is horrible and pretty misogynistic where Hardware is not, the basic story is very similar.

 What we learned: You can't please everyone all the time.

Second Clue: March's Screening

Clue #2: The hero in our movie is a downtrodden repairman.


Tape Freaks Presents: March 2nd Mystery Movie! at the Trylon microcinema, Wednesday, March 2nd @ 7:00pm, only $5!

Purchase advance ticket here

Eve of Destruction

This has been in our pile of options to watch every time we've had people over to watch movies since we played the trailer in the first Trailer Trash, but we only got around to watching it the other night. It's very possible we let this one build up too much...

The plot unfolds something like this: A surveillance android sent out on her inaugural test mission only to get damaged and haver her handler gets killed in the cross fires of a bank robbery. Eve is left completely alone to figure out what to do next. Having been modeled entirely after her creator, Eve sets out on her own mission to realize some of her creator's unrealized fantasies. Her creator and Gregory Hines are the only people who can stop her.

We wish it had been more exciting: That premise is kind of dull. Eve gets dolled up, hits a bar to pick up guys, hunts down "her" alcoholic father, and travels cross-country to see "her" kid and ex-husband. It's not the kind of thing that keeps you on the edge of your seat. (Oh, but at some point a nuclear bomb embedded in her spine is accidentally armed, so there's at least some kind of tension.)












Not for lack of trying: Gregory
Hines and Renée Soutendijk are pretty energetic with their characters, and there's some fun action and explosions throughout.

What we wish: If the original mission had been important in some way (rather than an inane test) there could have been some exciting tension in this flick.

Moontrap

Oh boy, this one hurt. The box sounded good (Bruce Campbell, Walter Koeing, plus it won some kind of participation award, they don't just hand those things out!) but there wasn't a lick of sense made through the whole film. It was full of action and lots of stuff happens, but none of that stuff is tied together in any meaningful way.

The plot unfolds something like this: After ten mins of stock footage of the Apollo 11 Moon mission, sentient machine creatures try and fail to capture Apollo's Lunar Module. The robot creatures wait patiently for someone to return and repair the equipment, what their endgame is, no one knows...

Sounds simple, but there's more: Astronauts Grant (Koenig) and Tanner (Campbell) are on a non-disctipt mission that takes them near the Moon. While nearing the dark side of the Moon they discover a GIANT derelict spaceship and are ordered to check it out. (How people couldn't see something that size from earth, we'll never know.) They find a small football-shaped thing and a skeleton (that happen to float by while Grant is outside the ship) and bring them back to Earth. Once they're back on the planet, the "football" cracks open and a small robot jumps out. The newly hatched robot begins scavenging materials (including that skeleton) to build itself into a much bigger, much more menacing robot.

Ok, then what?: After the robot gets to a properly menacing size, it wreaks havoc for about 9 mins, and then is destroyed. That's when a second recon mission to the Moon is planned, and if you think I'm giving a bunch of stuff away; that's just the first 20 mins of the movie.


Reasons to watch: For a painful movie, there's a lot of action making it an entertaining painful. There's some pretty neat effects, and Bruce Campbell in his prime!

Movies it likely inspired: Promethius. There's actually a scene where the astronauts find an abandon structure on the Moon, and upon entering the structure, they take their helmets off. Just like a real astronaut would!

But did we like it: We were sort of split on this one, but our general take is that it's not the kind of movie you should attempt to watch alone. Get your self a space-loving watching buddy and prepare to find your enjoyment in everything but the plot!

Chopping Mall

This is a favorite of Chris' (who we were working with over at the Mall), he even played it as a mystery movie once after a Horror for the Holidays! If you've not seen it, put it high up on your list of things to watch

The plot unfolds something like this: A group of teenagers working at their local mall decide to have a slumber party in the furniture store. Unfortunatly for them, mall security has implamented their new security-bots this same night. Likely, everything will be fine though. Unless lighting strikes or something...

Things to watch for: Lots of action amidst the horror. Amazing 80s robot technology. A nice balance of shirtless dudes and ladies. One of the greatest head explosions committed to film. Some epically obnoxious dude-bro gum chewing.


Soundtrack: The soundtrack is also fantastic, if you like awesome 80s synth stuff! (And why wouldn't you?)

That-guy moments with the Corman crew:Gerrit Graham, and the Corman crew Dick Miller, and Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov (my faves)!










Original title: Killbots (the more fitting title in our opinion).